DC Asylum presents “US Dept of Guaranteed Labor” (Scene One)

(Gibbs):  The President has listened to the people, and understands jobs are their main concerns.  Today, he will be signing an Executive Order, which will allow the Department of Labor to become more actively involved in solving the crisis.

(Reporter):  What led the President to take this action?

(Gibbs):  The Department of Labor is already tasked with administrating the unemployment benefits, therefore, it is the agency which should work with improving employment.

(Reporter):  What does the President hope to achieve?

(Gibbs):  People are out of work and need help finding jobs – it’s that simple.

(Reporter):  but that’s unemployment – how will the department solve the problem?

(Gibbs):  The President feels Wall Street is not doing enough to help find jobs for the unemployed.

(Reporter):  They’re not?  Isn’t it in  their best interest to be fully staffed?

(Gibbs):  And this is what every American would say – but we live in a system that allows executives to award themselves outlandish bonuses for keeping costs down, which usually means looking for more positions to eliminate.

(Reporter):  Is the President saying businesses will no longer be allowed to have lay-offs?

(Gibbs):  Of course not Glenn – the President fully believes in the free market.  He will be directing the Department to be more actively involved with businesses beforehand.  He will be recommending proactive measures to prevent unemployment.

(Reporter):  What measures?

(Gibbs):  For starters, businesses reporting a profit will be assessed additional taxes for each person removed.

(Reporter):  And the President believes this will solve unemployment?

(Gibbs):  Again Glenn, the President is simply transferring back to Wall Street the true costs of unemployment.  Too many executives are collecting bonuses greater than the salaries of the workers they have laid off, and this has to stop.   Remember, Wall Street is getting the bonus while the workers get the pink slips.

(Reporter):  but is that Constitutional?

(Gibbs):  Glenn, the President respects the Constitution, and remember, it is a living document which adapts to the realities of the day.

Well folks, as absurd as this sounds, take a look at the government we have today, compared to the one years ago.  Not only has the number of agencies has grown, but so have their powers assumed.

Old-Man-Tex

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