DC Asylum presents (H.G. Wells “Time Machine”, starring Snow-Bama

(Fade in …)

(Commentator):  During last week’s episode of H.G Wells “Time Machine”, our hero Barack and his trusty side-kick went back to the turn of the century to make things right

(Barack):  Well Joe, we did a good job of saving convincing the President he needed to save the makers of the Horse Saddle from going out of business

(Joe):  Yeah – and it only cost 3 billion dollars

(Barack):  Cost isn’t important Joe…what’s important is making sure the saddle makers don’t go out of business…. it would be devastating to the economy.

(Joe): Yeah – damn those horse-less carriages.  Don’t they know those things are going to be bad for the environment?

(Barack):  Well Joe.. our work here is done…but our real work is never done!

(Joe): Yeah – so we are we going now?

(Barack):  We’re going to jump forward in time a little bit… seems the Propellor Makers are going to go out of business and we have to save them as well.

(Joe): Yeah – damn those jet engines – don’t they know those are bad for the environment?

(Commentator):  Join us next week as we continue on with the adventures of Barack and Joe – Saving everyone, because… they deem it necessary!




DC Asylum presents “Inroducing Fairness to the Blogosphere”

(Gibbs):  His Presidency is happy to announce he will be the one to bring  Fairness and Balance in Perspective to the internet.

(Reporter):  Is this because a majority of the Blog-osphere is in direct disagreement with his policies?

(Gibbs):  Oh no Glenn, the President is above petty insult from any racist community – besides, as President, he feels it is beneath the dignity of his office to even acknowledge the operatves of the special interest groups.

(Reporter):  If he is not concerned with this, then why does he want to introduce new legislation?

(Gibbs):  Once again, you miss the point – this has nothing to do with his Presidency.  This is about bringing about Fairness and Balance to the perspectve being carried on.  To believe otherwise, is utterly preposterous.

(Reporter):  Again, if he is not concerned about a blog-osphere hostile to his administration, then why is he introducing this legislation?

(Gibbs):  As President, he is the overall Chief Executive Administrato for the FCC.  And the internet does make use of fiber optic telephone lines, so it is all within his authority to determine the best use for a service which is so essential to everyone’s citizenship.

(Reporter):  Assuming something like this can even be passed by Congress, exactly how does he propose to bring about Fairness and Balance to the internet?

(Gibbs):  That is simple – he has consulted with Homeland Security and they assure him they will are able to monitor all web sites for their traffic.  Each site will be allocated a pre-determined amount of traffic, and once this level is achieved, the site will be shut down until a web site with a prevailing counterpoint has reached an equal amount.

(Reporter):  Homeland Security?  Do they see the blog-osphere as a threat to American security?

(Gibbs):  people shouting “Fire” in a crowded theater is a threat to the well being of others.  This is no different, and the Constitutional scholars at Podunk Community College are in agreement – this is Constitutional.”

(Reporter):  But Homeland Security?

(Gibbs):  Once again, you are forgetting that Our President strongly recommends we not focus on “Procedure”, but just trust him to have the best interest for all in mind.

True – this is so full of sarcasm, if anyone thinks this is “actually” happening, they might want to change the aluminum foil under their baseball cap.  But on the other hand, we still have 2 plus years of having to endure this administration.  No telling what all of the tomorrows may bring…



New Ad Slogans

I was watching TV and thinking about how SnowBama is always wanting to create quick soundbites and catchy little slogans .  Just about that time, an advertisement for General Electric came on.   I looked at their slogan, and wondered to myself, “Self, you reckon this might be what SnowBama has in mind when he talks about ‘Work’?”

G.E – Imagination at work.

For him, work is just an imaginary, abstract idea.  After all, why work when you have Nanny-State to take care of you?  As for the “millions of jobs saved”, isn’t this all just a figment of his imagination?

maybe it’s time for a new slogan..

Government Expanding – when workers stop imagining.



DC Asylum presents “Inventing the Wheel”

(Gibbs):  The President has decided there are tremendous gaps in the potential of the wheel.

(Reporter):  Such as?

(Gibbs):  For starters – it only has one side

(Reporter):  And this is a problem??

(Gibbs):  Most definitely – This promotes exclusivity, which is detrimental to uniting this country.

(Reporter):  What does he propose to do/

(Gibbs):  It is under consideration – Reid wants a Four Side Wheel as a model of the Square Deal all Americans want, and Nancy wants a three sided wheel, as a symbol of supporting same-sex marriages.

Well Folks, once again, we see how our elected officials are good at finding problems which never existed, and even better at developing solutions which are more symbolic than they are practical.



DC Asylum presents “Department of Guaranteed Labor” (Scene Three)

(Gibbs):   Recently, the President issued his Executive Order which expanded the Department of Labor.  He feels the time has come to expand on this overwhelmingly successful initiative.

(Reporter):  What will this new expansion offer?

(Gibbs):  Very simple – the previous expansion for DoL was to be more actively involved in preventing unemployment.  But what about those already unemployed?

(Reporter):  yes, what about those already unemployed?

(Gibbs):  The answer is simple – just as Main Street needs to seek the Department of Labor’s “authorization” before laying anyone off, the Human Resource Department for all business will now need to be “certified” by the DoL

(Reporter):  Certified?

(Gibbs):  Yes – it’s a simple process… when their business has an opening, instead of advertising in classified ads, the HR department will now send a requisition to the DoL, who will in turn send a pool of candidates to be interviewed.

(Reporter):  So the government is going to be more active in the hiring process?

(Gibbs):  Exactly – President Obama feels the HR departments are the main obstacle to unemployment.

(Reporter):  Has he considered that perhaps the people applying are not qualified for the jobs?

(Gibbs):  That is the exact sentiment this President feels is counterproductive.  What’s more important – lowering the unemployment number, or using an artificial selection process?

(Reporter):  What about being qualified for the job?

(Gibbs):  Who is best able to define “Qualified” – the HR department, or the government?  I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Well folks, once again, we learn when we let Big Government make our small decisions, it isn’t too long before they start looking for other decisions they feel they are more qualified to make.   Good thing Snowbama doesn’t read this blog for ideas, huh?



DC Asylum presents – “Department of Guaranteed Labor (Scene Two)

(Gibbs):  The President is pleased to announce yesterday’s Executive Order expanding the Department of Labor has been successful.

(Reporter):  How do we know this?

(Gibbs):  Because the number of people loosing their jobs has been dramatically reduced.

(Reporter):  Do we know how many jobs were saved?

(Gibbs):  Glenn, it is hard to define “Save”, but at this point, he is sure the situation would have been worse had he not acted.

Well folks, one of the great things about unknown results is if you can’t measure it, you can always pull any number you want out of thin air.



DC Asylum presents “US Dept of Guaranteed Labor” (Scene One)

(Gibbs):  The President has listened to the people, and understands jobs are their main concerns.  Today, he will be signing an Executive Order, which will allow the Department of Labor to become more actively involved in solving the crisis.

(Reporter):  What led the President to take this action?

(Gibbs):  The Department of Labor is already tasked with administrating the unemployment benefits, therefore, it is the agency which should work with improving employment.

(Reporter):  What does the President hope to achieve?

(Gibbs):  People are out of work and need help finding jobs – it’s that simple.

(Reporter):  but that’s unemployment – how will the department solve the problem?

(Gibbs):  The President feels Wall Street is not doing enough to help find jobs for the unemployed.

(Reporter):  They’re not?  Isn’t it in  their best interest to be fully staffed?

(Gibbs):  And this is what every American would say – but we live in a system that allows executives to award themselves outlandish bonuses for keeping costs down, which usually means looking for more positions to eliminate.

(Reporter):  Is the President saying businesses will no longer be allowed to have lay-offs?

(Gibbs):  Of course not Glenn – the President fully believes in the free market.  He will be directing the Department to be more actively involved with businesses beforehand.  He will be recommending proactive measures to prevent unemployment.

(Reporter):  What measures?

(Gibbs):  For starters, businesses reporting a profit will be assessed additional taxes for each person removed.

(Reporter):  And the President believes this will solve unemployment?

(Gibbs):  Again Glenn, the President is simply transferring back to Wall Street the true costs of unemployment.  Too many executives are collecting bonuses greater than the salaries of the workers they have laid off, and this has to stop.   Remember, Wall Street is getting the bonus while the workers get the pink slips.

(Reporter):  but is that Constitutional?

(Gibbs):  Glenn, the President respects the Constitution, and remember, it is a living document which adapts to the realities of the day.

Well folks, as absurd as this sounds, take a look at the government we have today, compared to the one years ago.  Not only has the number of agencies has grown, but so have their powers assumed.